Never Make a Bet with a Weasel
by ShiTiger
Summary: A simple game of cards results in Ushio owing Kagari a favor.  Now you’ll see why female monsters are more dangerous than males.  Humor, yaoi, some cross-dressing.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : I do not own Ushio and Tora. This is a yaoi story, Tora x Ushio in the end. Don't like, don't read. An attempt at humor here from the angst romance writer. Ps: Izuna is the tiny green ferret monster from the manga.

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Never Make a Bet with a Weasel

Chapter 1: The Consequences of Losing

'Ready to give up yet?' 

'Never!'

'I never thought Kagari and Ushio would ever get so involved in a game,' Raishin commented to the smaller ferret demon sitting next to him. 'The loser does have to do one thing for the winner. And neither of them have lost yet, to any of us,' Izuna answered, watching the pair and glancing at his cards. 

'Hmph!' Tora grunted, giving up another card at Kagari's smirk. 'You're down to two cards now. Poor tiger wiger, he's going to lose again,' Ushio commented, dodging Tora's fist and laughing. 

'Ushio, do you have any… Aces,' Kagari asked suddenly, leering at him. 'Damn,' the 17 year old swore, giving up another card. Raishin was pleased to note that Ushio was down to two cards now too. Funny, his sister seemed very interested in getting Ushio to be the first one out… why is that? 

Ten minutes later, Kagari leapt from her seat and danced around with gleeful laughter as Ushio made a pained face. 'I can't believe she haggled me down to no cards. Why didn't she pick on Tora?' Ushio mumbled to himself. 'Hey?! Be glad she won, brat. If it were me…' Tora chuckled more to himself, making the boy thankful that the monster lord hadn't won his favour.

'Ok, Ushio. On your feet. Let's go!' the woman form weasel commanded, pulling the boy up and after her into one of the back secluded rooms. 'What is she doing?' Tora growled, uncertain whether to be worried or not. After all, the brat was His.

'Do you know what she's going to do?' Izuna asked, looking up at the other human formed weasel demon. 'Hmmm… Well, knowing my sister when she's got a cute boy in a dark room all to herself…' Raishin trailed off to Tora's angry growl.

The man and green furred ferret turned to see the tiger monster's fur on end, even the tips of his hair floating from some unseen negative force. Large white eyes were narrowed on the closed door, muscles tensed as if to leap.

'NO WAY!'

The three monsters jumped at the young man's voice that echoed the small temple the Kamaitachi lived in. There was a heavy thunk, like the spear had hit something hard. 

'Ushio wouldn't…' Izuna gasped, all three leaping to their feet in panic. 

'USHIO AOTSKI! You get that spear out of my floor this instant!' 

Kagari's voice shrieked, making the three stop in their tracks. 'That's a relief,' Raishin mumbled to himself, glad his sister was unhurt. Sounds of struggling and scraping came from the room, followed by the voices of Ushio and Kagari.

'I don't wanna!'

'Don't be such a baby. You're a big bad demon hunter. Now, do it!'

'But Kagari!'

'Don't make me strip you myself!'

'Ack!'

The three monsters stared at each other in shocked silence. 'She'd do it too,' Raishin whispered, nodding at the other two. 'Scary,' both Izuna and Tora shivered. Female monsters could be more terrifying than any male. 

More arguing came from the room, along with several choice words that made the demons' hair and fur stand on end. 'You've got to watch what he picks up at those monster gatherings,' Raishin commented, giving Tora a rye look. 'Not my fault. The brat refuses to be left at home. Not to mention he's charmed Toono-sama into letting him come,' Tora growled under his breath.

High pitched giggles interrupted them as Kagari stepped back into the room. The dark haired woman was still in her teeny tiny skin-tight red dress that left nothing to the imagination. 

'Oh ho ho! You can come out now, Ushio-chan!' the woman called, still laughing to herself. 

'NO!'

'Ushio, come out here right now!' Kagari now had her hands on her hips in annoyance.

'NO! It's bad enough that you made me dress up like this. If they see me… I'll never live it down,' the last part was more of a whisper, but all the demons caught it and glanced between themselves, wondering.

'Ushio,' Kagari's voice was now a dark snarl, her eyes flashing as she walked back into the room. A few low arguing voices later, and Kagari came back out. 

'Ok. All settled. May I present… Mrs. Nagatomibaru!'

….tbc…

Author's Note: Yes, you heard correctly. I decided to split this short fic into chapters for a more dramatic entrance. Please review! Oh, it is suppose to be funny, and a bit yaoi romantic too by the end, and I might add a lemon chapter up at my website.

(for my writing, Twilight Garden)

(Ushio and Tora shrine, Lair of the Beasts)


	2. It Gets Worse!

Disclaimer: I do not own Ushio and Tora. Yaoi, Tora x Ushio. Rated for cross-dressing and Yaoi / slash. 

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Never Make a Bet with a Weasel: 

Chapter 2 : It Gets Worse!

'Presenting, Mrs. Nagatobimaru!'

'WHAT?!' The three demon males' voices rose in shock and disbelief. However, they were silenced the minute a dainty foot appeared through the doorway.

Clothed in a beautiful flowing kimono, hair flowing down her… er, his, back in waves. Violet eyes fixed on the ground, feet stepping quietly, almost delicately out into the large room. The demon hunter was nearly… very nearly, passing for feminine. 

'Wow,' Raishin's eyes weren't the only ones threatening to bulge out of his head. The young man looked positively… stunning in the dress, even his posture seemed femininity submissive. Er, for a normal well-bred human woman, that is, the weasel was reminded as he glanced at his smirking sister.

'Oh my,' Izuna whispered, staring in shock at the child hunter. Only 17, which was still too young to be considered a true adult in this time and age, the boy seemed like a young bride waiting for her husband to marry her.

'NANI?!' Tora's voice rose in a squeak, his eyes fixed the still nervous looking child. Ushio shifted uncomfortably, finally raising his eyes that seemed uncertain, a look he did not often show to them. This child, this demon hunter, was truly and unbelievably… gorgeous. 

'Wow! See, Ushio. The males think you look great. We'll find you a husband yet!' the female weasel announced, coming up behind Ushio to push him forward. 'But, I'm a boy!' Ushio suddenly protested, losing the air of fragileness the minute he spoke. 'So? Boy, girl, who cares? Don't you know anything?' Kagari asked, pushing him even further into the room.

'What do you mean?' the hunter seemed hesitant to ask, clutching his spear close as if it could save him from her words. ~Oh, I didn't even notice that.~ Raishin realized that the spear had been wrapped up in Ushio's arms the entire time, but he'd been too focused on the whole cross-dressing thing to really notice the dangerous weapon.

'You, Ushio Aotski, are the Master of the Beast Spear. The most powerful hunter in all of Japan. As well, you have a… shall we say, innocence when it comes to monsters. You like them, you befriend them, you hunt them, and you kill them. Both dark and light in one body, so young and uncertain about your future. Both delicate and strong, not to mention adorable at times. All this and more make you an ideal mate. Every monster, male and female, who has any sense in their heads, would think the same thing,' Kagari lectured.

'What?' Ushio stared at her in disbelief and shock. 'You mean, you haven't noticed?' Raishin asked, staring at the boy. All this time, and Ushio hadn't even noticed the looks and awareness of the monsters who watched him, close and at a distance. 'Noticed what?' the hunter asked, looking completely naïve at the moment.

'Baka,' Tora grumbled, looking away for the first time. 'Hey?!' Ushio smacked him over the head with the spear so fast that the beast didn't have a chance to dodge. 'What the hell was that for?!' Tora yelped, glaring at the boy and trying hard not to stare at how good he looked in a dress.

'Idiot,' Ushio grumbled aloud, sitting down promptly across from him in a huff. Demon and hunter glared at each other in silence, until Kagari interrupted. 'And you have to wear it at least until the game is over,' the woman stated, accepting no argument despite the youth's loud protests.

'I don't mind,' announced Raishin. 'Me neither,' Izuna agreed, earning a half-hearted glare from the boy. 'Thanks a lot, guys,' Ushio grumbled, settling down to continue the game.

Another half an hour seemed to pass without Ushio losing again, but eventually he did… to Kagari. ~Oh no. What horrible, unspeakable, humiliating thing will she make me do now?~ Ushio tried not to appear panicked in anyway, however… the fact the four demons could hear him starting to hyperventilate didn't really help him be more unnoticeable.

Raishin and Izuna watched in silence, wondering what strange and fearful thing Kagari was planning for their young human friend. Tora was more worried, though he'd never admit it, about the boy. Hyperventilating wasn't good for humans, and he was starting to look a bit faint.

Kagari turned to study the Ushio and gave the cross-dressed boy a smile that sent chills up his spine. 'I think I'll collect on this one at the end of the game. Alright, Ushio-kun?' Kagari announced. 'Er, I guess,' Ushio sweatdropped, but calmed a bit. Perhaps... just maybe, she'd forget by that time. He could only hope.

~*~

'It's getting pretty late. We should go now,' Ushio said, looking out the window at the night time sky. 'Good thing it's the weekend tomorrow,' Izuna answered, running up to perch on Ushio's shoulders to tell him goodbye.

Ushio chuckled at the tiny monster and nodded at his words. Tora grumbled nearby as Ushio said goodbye to the two Kamaitachi and they headed for the door. 

~Hurry. Hurry. Get out fast before she...~

'Ushio-kun,' Kagari interrupted the boy's train of thought. Ushio froze, his entire body shivering for a moment in dreaded anticipation. ~Too late.~

'I do believe you still owe me a favour,' the female weasel stated, smirking knowingly. 

'Alright. What embarrassing thing do you want from me now?' Ushio asked, turning around and staring darkly at the woman. 'Aw, it won't be that bad. I just want you to...' Kagari came close and whispered the rest into the boy's ear.

'WHAT? NO WAY IN HELL!' 

Ushio's scream vibrated through the small temple that served as a home for the Kamaitachi... and Izuna. 'Don't make me spank you, boy,' the woman-formed weasel insisted, hands on her hips. Ushio darted his eyes to either side, searching frantically for an escape route. 'She's serious,' Raishin said in a deep voice. 

'Ok. Tora… don't kill me, alright?' Ushio sighed, turning towards the beast. 'Huh? Wait, what does this have to do with me?' the tiger lord asked, looking very confused.

'Nagatobimaru. You really should show more affection towards your wife,' Kagari teased, blowing a kiss at the pair. 'Oh,' Raishin and Izuna said, eyes widening in realization at what the female had asked of Ushio. 

'Kagari!' the boy looked so cute in the kimono, especially when he was blushing as red as a beet. 'Affection? What wife?!' Tora asked, raising an eyebrow at the weasel. 

'Ok. How about if Tora turns into a human man? Would that make it easier?' Kagari asked, getting annoyed that it was taking so long. 'Not really.' Ushio replied, but the boy had to admit... he was slightly curious at how Tora would look as a human. 

'Well, do it,' Kagari ordered, waving a hand at the tiger beast. 'Why do I always get involved when this brat is in trouble?' Tora grumbled loudly, before crossing his arms over his chest. 

Ushio watched in amazement as the beast's long orange hair twirled around his body until it fully covered him, before unfurling slowly to reveal a human man. A tall human man who towered over the boy, his long orange hair pulling itself back into a ponytail that travelled down to his feet. Cat-like golden eyes peered down at the helpless human boy who was still staring in shock at the creature before him.

'Oh…' was the only thing the boy could say. No one ever prepared him for seeing his best friend turn into a GOD. Tall and muscular, but with a small waist, and if Tora turned around, Ushio was sure the beast-man had an amazing ass. And that flowing white shirt that was open enough in the front to give Ushio a very nice view of the tiger lord's chest. Not to mention those tight black pants... wow.

'Wow. This is perfect. You two make a lovely couple,' Kagari finally announced, being the first to say anything. Raishin and Izuna were still staring in shock, and Ushio looked like he was going to faint at any moment. With a push, the female weasel shoved the cross-dressed boy into the tiger lord's arms that opened just in time to catch him. 

'Hey?!… Er, hi,' Ushio blinked, staring up at the man. Tora raised an eyebrow at the response. Everyone was acting so weird, especially the brat... who was looking quite delicious... ~Stop thinking those thoughts~

'Ok. Enough stalling, boys. Go Ushio! Plant one right on him!' Kagari cheered, waving her hands about in the air. 'You want Ushio to hit him? I thought you wanted him to ki…' Raishin covered Izuna's muzzle and the rest of the words were garbled.

'Don't rush me!' Ushio shot back, looking flustered. He was very nervous, or so Tora figured, judging by the way the boy kept glancing at him, blushing, and looking away. The beast-man grew impatient... and even more confused. What the hell had the 

she-demon asked him to do that was so hard?

'Just do it, brat,' Tora finally growled, getting annoyed. 

'Huh? You want me to…?' Ushio gave the man an amazed look, his mouth hanging open. 

~Mmm... yummy... no, bad thoughts~ 'Do it and we can get out of here,' Tora growled, pushing away the naughty thoughts that kept coming to the surface of his mind.

'Oh,' the boy said, looking depressed suddenly. The tiger lord raised an eyebrow, feeling a bit uncertain, and very more protective of the child. ~Damn it! When did I start caring about him? He's my meal, not my mate... mmm, yum... er, bad thoughts.~

'Um, ok. Lean down a bit then,' Ushio stated, stepping closer. 'Why?' the beast asked, hands now perched on his hips. 'It's easier this way. You want to get this over with, right?' Ushio stated, now looking a bit annoyed himself. 

Tora shrugged and leaned down so that their faces were nearly brushing together. And he was not thinking of screwing the boy, no... he wasn't thinking that at all. ~Bad thoughts. Damn!~

Silence echoed the room.

'Can you maybe… um, close your eyes or something?' Ushio suddenly asked, looking uncomfortable. With a very over-dramatic drawn out sigh, Tora did as he was asked. Ushio glanced back at the three monsters still watching and shivered. It was now or never.

With a nervous hitch of breath, the boy reached out and touched the man's cheeks, his fingers brushing against the double black stripes that adorned the beast's face even when in human form. Leaning upwards, Ushio touched his lips gently to Tora's, and found himself suddenly staring into equally shocked golden eyes.

Ushio pulled back sharply, but was surprised to find that at sometime during the exchange, Tora had put his hands on his shoulders and was refusing to release him.

'Ushio Aotski! You call that a kiss? You can do better than that, even if you are a virgin!' Kagari yelled from halfway across the room. 'Kagari!' Ushio squeaked, embarrassed. 'Don't give me that. I've seen some of the things you draw. Now give him a deep kiss. Tongue and all!' the female weasel ordered.

'Girls and yaoi. Geesh,' Ushio rolled his eyes. Raishin and Izuna just stared wide-eyed at the exchange. 'Ushio's a virgin?' Raishin asked his sister quietly. 'Of course he is. Tora hasn't done a damn thing yet. Honestly. If he didn't have a claim on him, I'd take him myself,' the woman stated.

'Hey?!' Tora protested, glaring at the group. Ushio began to tug away again, but Tora just tightened his grip. Looking down, violet met gold once more as the beast-man leaned down. Ushio's eyes widened in shock, his entire body tingling as Tora kissed him. It was... amazingly gentle, the boy realized, his eyes half closing from the sensation. Who knew that Tora could be this gentle? 

Raishin glanced at his sister to see hearts dancing in her eyes as she watched. Izuna was still staring open mouthed as Tora pulled the boy closer, still kissing. 

'Well now. When you said he was yours, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting to see,' a familiar voice interrupted, causing Ushio to pull back from Tora. 'Dad?!' the boy staring in shock at the priest standing in the doorway. 'Yo,' the man said, raising a hand. 

Tora grumbled under his breath, half-glaring at the man who had interrupted his fun. Ushio was blushing even harder, the monster lord realized with a grin. 

'Nice kimono, Ushio-chan,' the old man teased, dodging when the boy leapt at him and chased him outside for the comment. Tora sighed, glancing back only to see the other three waving goodbye to him, before following the boy and his father out the door.

Tora changed back quickly into his monster form and headed towards the pair. Reaching Ushio first, he put a hand on the boy's shoulder and felt the child jump. Violet eyes turned to look at him, first shocked, then uncertain. 'Let's go home,' the monster lord whispered. He was pleased when the boy gave him a shy smile in return.

'Oh, Ushio,' the old priest called from where he'd climbed up a tree to get away from the boy. 'What is it?' Ushio announced, sounding like he was back to his old self. 'I'll be going away for about a week. Make sure to use that time to make sure your tie up any loose ends,' the priest stated, with a knowing smirk. Ushio blushed harder, gripping his spear tightly, but Tora's hand on his shoulder stopped him from climbing up the tree after the old man.

'Ushio! Your clothes!' Kagari reminded him. Ushio ran back to the door and grabbed the bag that was indeed filled with his normal school uniform, waving goodbye to the others as he walked towards where Tora was waiting. 

'You can keep the dress!' Kagari yelled, smiling at them. 'Damn right he's keeping it!' Tora yelled back, causing Ushio to bonk him over the head with the spear (once he'd settled onto the beast's back). 'Pervert,' Ushio announced, as Tora took off. 

The ride was made in silence, not a word spoken between the pair. The moon shone high above them, and Ushio watched their shadows entwined into one solitary being on the forest floor. ~For a bit, Tora was actually being nice to me.~ The boy couldn't help but smile and blush a bit at the memory of the kiss. Without realizing it, he touched his lips as he recalled the warmth and softness of the gentle touch of their lips.

'We're home,' a deep voice interrupted, making Ushio jump a bit in shock. 'Oh, yeah,' the boy replied, realizing that they had indeed gotten home and Tora was waiting for him to get off, which he did. 

'Um, Tora... I...er,' Ushio looked back at the monster who wasn't even looking at him. ~Fine. If he just wants to ignore me and forget all about it, then... FINE!~ 'Goodnight,' Ushio announced, turning on his heal and storming into the house. 

Sighing, the youth walked up the stairs towards his room. Suddenly annoyed with the dress, he stripped off the long silk belt, the kimono falling open to reveal his chest as he walked into the room. 

Blink. Blink.

Ushio stared in shock and horror at the monster that was currently digging through his closet. The beast emerged with a black covered sketchbook... ~SHIT!~

'Tora, don't look at that!' Ushio yelled, making the beast turn to look at him. Tora just smirked and opened the book.

~Heh. He really does look cute when he's angry. Especially since his eyes flash violet and his fangs show... not to mention his hair stands on end. Kawaii.~ With a smirk, he opened the book, pretending to ignore the boy's frantic arms reaching for it at the same time. Damn, the kid was fast, he'd crossed the room in an instant. But, the demon wasn't about to let his prize escape, so he simply held it in the air out of the boy's reach and glanced up.

'Whoa,' was the only thing Tora could think to say as he turned the page and stared some more. 'Tora!' Ushio wailed loudly, still reaching for the book, his face beet red again. 'She wasn't kidding when she said you didn't draw like you were a virgin. Is that position even humanly possible?' the monster wondered aloud, ignoring the youth in favour of staring at the very graphic sketches in the book.

'Toraaaaaaaaaa!' the boy's persistent cry made him look down for a moment, and he nearly dropped the sketchbook. The boy was just adorable standing there glaring at him, not to mention he looked delicious with his kimono open and showing off a nice view of his chest. ~Yum!~ 

Ushio backed away a bit when he saw the instant hungry look on the monster lord's face. Uncertain what to do, but also blindly insistent on getting his book back, Ushio screwed up his courage and demanded that Tora let go of the book. At once, the demon smirked and tossed the sketchbook aside, leering at the boy standing before him. 

'Tora, what are you doing?' Ushio glanced around, uncertain as the monster stepped closer, forcing him back a step. This wasn't right. This was Tora, not some unnamed monster. Tora wasn't suppose to be this dominant. 

Ushio's eyes slipped to the spear that was lying way too far away now to help. If he could just... 'Don't even think about it,' the deep rumble made the boy jump, his eyes instantly caught by the monster's own. Those white eyes filled with a seductive darkness that threatened to eat him alive. Without realizing it, Ushio's foot caught the edge of his mat and he tumbled backwards onto it. 

Above him, the tiger lord smirked, his immense form blocking out any possible escape route. With a leer, the beast reached down and...

...tbc...

Author's Note: Sorry everyone. That next chapter is a lemon. And yes, Ushio is over the age of consent in this one. In my country, that age is 17, so he isn't a little kid. Although... they both tend to act like kids at times. If you want to read a little monster x boy lemon, go to either of my sites below:

(Twilight Garden, my fics)

(Lair of the Beasts, my Ushio and Tora fanfiction archive)


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